As many of you may know, this past weekend was homecoming at Mizzou (too soon?). And I'm hoping to go to a mission trip to Louisiana for my Spring Break with Newman, so I was working the parking lot that Saturday to fundraise, and was able to witness the festivities and tail-gating (and thankfully, some of the tailgaters were kind enough to feed me while I worked all day) and I was blessed with the opportunity to go to Mass afterwards where I heard the readings for Sunday-- Luke 18:9-14. In case you're not familiar, it was the parable that Jesus shared of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector, and I found it super applicable to what I had witnessed that day.
It's a popular trend right now for girls to wear a black dress and boots to the football game, and earlier in the day I had found myself thinking about why girls dressed like that. Later, before Mass, I overheard some women discussing the younger generations fashion decisions, and I was very upset, because while I don't like the length of a lot of the dresses that the girls wear, I didn't think that the women had the right to gossip and judge them in a condescending way. I had thought about wearing a dress, and I wondered if they would have made assumptions about me if I had been wearing that black dress.
"Jesus addressed this parable
to those who were convinced of their own righteousness
and despised everyone else.
"Two people went to the temple area to pray;
one was a Pharisee ad the other was a tax collector.
The Pharisee took up his position and spoke this prayer to himself,
'O God, I thank you that I am not like the rest of humanity--
greedy, dishonest, adulterous--or even like this tax collector.
I fast twice a week, and I pay tithes on my whole income.'
But the tax collector stood off at a distance
and would not even raise his eyes to heaven
but beat his breast and prayed,
'O God, be merciful to me a sinner.'
I tell you, the latter went home justified, not the former;
for whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
and whoever humbles himself will be exalted."
I remember that the song "Closer" by the Chainsmokers was blasting while I listened to the homily, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one who really wanted to dance in her seat. I felt out of place, because I was perhaps the only college student, and I'm pretty sure they thought I was one of them. Someone who would rather be at mass than tailgating--and to a certain extent, that's true. For a moment, I understood how the tax collector felt--out of place and unwelcome. And I know that there are so many who do not feel welcome.
It seems like people say that we can only be the Pharisee or the Tax Collector, but not both. But I think we are both. I think that we see others as Pharisees, and we look at them as Pharisees sometimes, but we see ourselves as Tax Collectors. We see others for their sins, and we judge them and we are glad that we're not like them. We see ourselves as better. We don't see them for the mercy that they're asking for.
Perhaps I am being judgmental myself. But I think that sometimes we forget to see a sinner as a sinner. We see the sin, the badness. We hone in on that, and want to fix the nasty habits, rather than finding a way to fix the person. We sin because we are broken, not because we are bad. Because we are made by God. And God doesn't make bad things.
When people make bad choices, it can be our fault. Because, using the case of the black dress, we haven't shown them their worth. We haven't shown them that they are so loved, that they don't need to do anything to earn love. We haven't shown them that they deserve better. Because perhaps they are wearing the dresses to get attention, and to seek short term pleasure that in the long run will hurt them more. They don't feel welcome. And I know that I wouldn't feel welcome if I knew someone was staring at me and judging me for what I wore.
We are called to be Christ, to love as he loved. He gave us his life--he died for us. And for Catholics, he gave the Eucharist, meaning that every Sunday every day, He gives us His body, so we can gain strength, grow closer to Him, be more like Him, and relive His sacrifice. I think in love, there is reciprocation. We should give our bodies to Him. We love God, by loving others and by loving (i.e. taking care of and valuing) ourselves. We love Him by letting Him work through us. After Mass on Saturday, I was really emotional because I don't know how to love like other people do. But God knows how to love. If we let God work through us, we can love. And we each love in our own ways. I prayed that He would take my eyes and give me His eyes--so that I could see everyone as he saw them, as beautiful and precious and deserving of love. I prayed that he give me his hands so that I could do the work that he wanted me to do. And I prayed that he would take my heart, which holds everything that I value and am passionate about, because I know that He will keep it safe. And I know that my passions--for travel, for stories, for Him--can be used for Him.
Long story short: We're both the Pharisee and the Tax Collector, but we're called to be merciful.
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